


to see if I still feel

by bluehasnoclues



Series: harry potter oneshots [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Harry Potter, Death Eaters, Implied/Referenced Violence, No Sex, One Shot, Reincarnation, Uchiha Itachi reborn as Harry Potter, well it was and then it got dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:28:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehasnoclues/pseuds/bluehasnoclues
Summary: Uchiha Itachi dies at his brother's hand. He closes his eyes; he wakes up.(Itachi is reborn as Harry Potter. Things turn out... slightly differently.)





	to see if I still feel

* * *

 

Itachi remembers the pain. His vision was failing, his body deteriorating; but even then, the hatred in Sasuke’s eyes was the only thing that nearly broke him.

It _did_ break him. Quite literally. 

But in the end, even as he takes his last breaths, Itachi has won.

Sasuke will survive.

That is all that matters.

The world is slowly turning black, more so than the usual shadows he sees.

Itachi breathes once, twice, and then his heart stops.

_He had won._

 

* * *

 

He wakes in the body of a child.

His throat aches as he screams without thinking, crying for something he hasn’t let himself wish for in forever. And then he receives his wish; soft arms and red hair, a woman’s voice cooing softly.

“Little Harry,” a man’s voice says, and even though Itachi doesn’t understand the words, he knows that they’re better than the ones spoken when his original body was born.

It takes him a long time to regain control of himself; his brain is reacting slowly, and it’s almost infuriating, except Itachi knows how to work with his environment and he recognizes that he is an infant, now.

He had pushed his limits in his last life; in this one, he will not. Not in the way he used to. 

 

* * *

 

He doesn't have chakra coils. Instead, it is a low humming, somewhere deep in the center of his chest, filling his body with warmth and lightness. 

His new parents have it too, but theirs is stronger, more developed. Itachi attempts his meditation exercises, but he is tired and hungry and his body does not work the same. It is so much  _slower_ than it used to be. 

His first word is a mumbled, "hi."

Itachi's parents are delighted. 

It is better than the formal "Father" of his last life, at least. 

 

* * *

 

 

His parents have many friends. They come and go and if Itachi was any less developed than he was, recognising names and faces would be impossible. 

He does not like most of them. Molly Weasley is kind and overbearing; Sirius Black reminds him too much of Shisui; Remus Lupin smells like Kakashi Hatake's ninken. Alice Longbottom leaves him mostly to his own devices, watching him carefully but letting him explore. She is his favorite. 

(Because he is allowed to have favorites, now.)

 

* * *

 

The man comes for him when he is one. Itachi sees him raise his stick, and his small voice cries out in horror, wishing beyond anything that he was back in his true body; but two dull _thumps_ echo loudly in the quiet night.

More than anything, Itachi wishes for his eyes. 

The man turns to him, features grotesque, but Itachi is not scared. Of course he isn't. He's seen worse, done worse, and now this creature has taken the ones who cared about him most. 

But he can do nothing as the man raises his stick and says, with cruel delight, the words that killed his parents. 

A flash of green light; Itachi stares back, undaunted, and revels in the man's scream as he is somehow torn apart. 

Itachi's forehead burns. 

 

* * *

 

The old man sends him to live with the creatures called "the Dursleys". They are disgusting and cruel and purposely inhibit his growth, but Albus Dumbledore is this world's equivalent of Hokage, so Itachi will follow orders. 

He treats it like he would a mission; it's not the worst one he's received. 

He's slept in much worse than a closet, and he's accustomed to going days without food. 

Itachi is not so used to being beaten, because he's always been the one  _beating._ It's a new experience. 

It will build his pain tolerance, he supposes. 

 

* * *

 

The years pass uneventfully. 

Itachi trains, sometimes. It's nothing like his life before. 

His not-chakra (magic, he remembers) is slippery. It does not let him use jutsu or stick to surfaces. He cannot enhance his strength or create clones or henge. 

(Inconvenient.)

But it lets him do other things, like summon food and bring warmth and clear cobwebs with a blink. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi despairs the lack of kunai. 

 

* * *

 

When the giant man bursts through their door, Itachi is not surprised. He's not sure if he manages to  _look_ surprised, because he doesn't really try. 

Diagon Alley is bright and bursting with color. He likes the goblins; they remind him of the gruff T&I staff that relied on intimidation more than anything. 

He discovers that he is called the Boy Who Lived, which seems a rather insensitive thing to say, since it is a constant reminder that his parents are dead and he is not. 

Itachi buys a snowy owl because they do not sell crows and names her Crow. 

The robes that wizards wear are baggy and uncomfortable, and Itachi feels exposed in the loose material. He looks down and expects to see a red cloud. His right ring finger feels heavy. 

The blond boy, Malfoy-Draco-Malfoy, makes him think of the lesser families in his Clan; the ones that thought they were important and yet could do nothing as he killed them. 

 

* * *

 

"HUFFLEPUFF," the Hat shouts, and Itachi supposes it makes sense.

 

* * *

 

Their Transfiguration professor can turn into a cat. Itachi wonders if he would be a weasel. 

Their Charms professor is half-goblin and has a love for feathers. 

Their Astronomy professor seems constantly tired. 

Their Herbology professor is also his Head of House, and she showed them how to get into the kitchens and ask the house elves questions, so Itachi likes her. 

Their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is hiding something. 

Their History of Magic professor is a ghost. Itachi is the only student who can pay attention throughout the lesson. 

Their Potions professor just hates him. 

Itachi hasn't felt hate that strong for... a while. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Snape asks him increasingly difficult questions, because he wants to embarrass Itachi in front of his housemates. Itachi cannot get rid of old habits, so he answers every question right. 

The man's dark, furious eyes follow him out the door. 

 

* * *

 

Meals are more than he could ever hope for. Itachi has never tasted food so rich, has never seen so much on a single table. Even when dining with his father, who could certainly afford as much food as he desired, they never made more than was necessary to sustain them. 

The Uchiha were like that for all the wrong reasons. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi is bad with people. 

He is good at wearing masks, but they are the porcelain of the Anbu, the cloak of the Akatsuki, the smirk of the man who murdered his Clan in cold blood, men and women and children alike. 

He cannot show those masks here, where he is supposed to be good. 

He has never had to  _show emotions_ before. 

 

It is more difficult than he had anticipated. 

* * *

 

"How do you turn into a cat?" Itachi asks Professor McGonagall. It is after class and the students are filtering out of the school. 

"It's called an Animagus transformation," she says, watching him curiously through her glasses. "But you'll not learn about it for a few years yet. It's a very long and complicated process."

Itachi fights the urge to sniff. 

 

* * *

 

Three months later, he is a crow. 

Better than a weasel, Itachi supposes. 

 

* * *

 

He receives a cloak for the winter holidays, and it turns him invisible. Itachi almost wants to smile. 

They do not have Anbu, the men and women who are more animal than human and do not need a special magic cloak to not be seen. 

He uses the cloak anyway. 

With it, he finds a mirror; a mirror that shows him Sasuke, strong, and Itachi reaches out, hoping beyond hope that this is a portal to his other life. Because even if he is dead there, Sasuke is alive. 

But it is cold to the touch and his soft fingers leave a mark on the glass. 

Itachi gives a happy, bitter smile, and leaves for the kitchens. 

 

* * *

 

He is curious about the forbidden third floor corridor, but not enough to disobey direct orders. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Quirrell disappears one night, leaving no trace behind but the lingering scent of garlic and rot. 

 

* * *

 

His second year is also uneventful, until a student is Petrified by the hissing in the walls and their new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor claims to know the reason but will not tell them and there is a fear in the school that was never there, before. 

In yellow and black robes, Itachi floats through the school, somewhat comforted by the familiar smell of terror. 

He is a pacifist, he reminds himself. 

 

* * *

 

Through Crow, he owl-orders three throwing knives. They aren't kunai, but they will do. 

Itachi keeps them under his robes and the weight lets him breathe. 

 

* * *

 

He steps onto the Duelling platform with his wand held loosely in his hand. 

"Rictusempra!" Draco Malfoy shouts, his own wand brandished fiercely, gripped tightly in his fist. 

The Charm hits Itachi in the chest and he banishes the urge to laugh, instead murmuring quietly, "Expelliarmus," and the spell ends as Draco's wand is ripped out of his hand. 

"How —" the boy splutters, and Itachi does not bother to tell him that his spell works, but his opponent is so used to torture that a Tickling Charm does nothing to effect his composure. 

"Serpensortia!" Draco cries, wand back in hand, and a snake appears on the ground in front of him. Itachi thinks of Orochimaru, and wonders briefly if this is a similar summon. 

"Professor Snape, I don't know how to get rid of that," Itachi says half-honestly, because he could always use his knives but that is not the best idea. 

"Of course not. Ten points from Hufflepuff," the dour professor says with a harsh glare, but banishes the creature regardless. 

 

* * *

 

 

Itachi comes across the diary by accident. 

He does not write in it, of course. He can feel the strange magic coming off of it, the blank book trying to sift through his mind like a Yamanaka. 

Itachi is in a new world, but he was a prodigy in the last, and he is not an idiot. 

In the end, he takes it to the only person who is already suspicious.

 

* * *

 

Itachi knocks on the door lightly. 

"What do you want?" A familiar voice drawls, and Itachi takes that as invitation to step inside and gently close the door behind him. His footsteps are soft but undoubtedly there as he walks across the stone floor. 

"I found an object and I think it is cursed," Itachi says. 

Professor Snape sneers. "Playing some silly prank, are you? Thirty points from Hufflepuff."

Itachi, face carefully drawn into worry, holds out the diary. 

Professor Snape jerks in an aborted motion. "Where did you get that, Potter?" 

"I found it in the bathroom," Itachi says honestly. "It feels very wrong."

Professor Snape brings out gloves before snatching it from his hands. "Why come to me,  _Potter?"_ He spits out the name like it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. 

"You already don't like me," Itachi replies matter-of-factly. 

Professor Snape's lip curls downwards. 

 

* * *

 

Somehow, the creature escapes. 

Itachi takes a moment to contemplate his life. 

 _"BASILISK IN THE HALLS,"_ Professor Sinistra roars as she bursts into the Great Hall.  _"LOCK THE DOORS. STAY INSIDE. FIND YOUR HEAD OF HOUSE IF A STUDENT IS MISSING."_

Itachi slips outside. 

 

* * *

 

"Fuck," he hears Professor Snape mutter. "Of course he put a snake in the castle. What fucking else. We're all going to die." 

"How do we kill it?" Itachi asks, materialising beside him. 

 _"Potter,"_ Professor Snape snarls. "Back to the Great Hall,  _now!_ How many points does Hufflepuff have? That many points from Hufflepuff."

"How do we kill it?" Itachi repeats, eyes piercing. 

"You can't  _fucking kill a —_ our roosters are gone! Now  _leave_ before you  _die, idiot child!"_

"Can you conjure one?" Itachi asks, and his professor lets out a string of curses so vulgar that Hidan would be jealous. 

"Getting close enough would require —"

"Conjure a rooster," Itachi says. "I'll get close." 

His professor does not like this option. 

 _"You_ are  _going back_ to the  _Great Hall,"_ he says pointedly, his gaze poisonous. 

Itachi almost wants to roll his eyes, but now is the time for his old masks, it seems. 

His features fall blank and green eyes are dull in the torchlight. He is not the vindictive anger of the Akatsuki or the crazed madness of the man who killed his Clan; he is Anbu, silent, untraceable, deadly. 

(He's about the right age anyway.)

Itachi hears the basilisk hissing. Absentmindedly, he wonders how he can understand the words. 

 _~Stop~,_ Anbu Weasel orders. 

The snake does not, and Killing Intent floods the hall. 

His professor stiffens beside him. 

 _~Stop, or I will be forced to eliminate you~,_ Itachi says flatly. The snake hesitates, and Itachi moves forward on silent feet. 

"Rooster, if you will," says Itachi politely. He closes his eyes and looks towards the snake. 

A rooster crows. 

There is a slump, and Itachi does not smile. He walks forward with closed eyes and presses a hand against the cold creature. 

"Dead," he says, and the corridor is silent. "I should probably get back to the Great Hall, now."

 _"Potter,"_ his professor snarls.  _"Explain."_

 

* * *

 

It is late that night when they meet again. 

"I'm a ninja from another dimension," Itachi says. 

"The truth," Professor Snape demands, and Itachi shrugs. 

"I thought it would be funny."

Apparently, that is more believable. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi doesn't discover until a year later that the snake escaped because he left the bathroom door open behind him. 

How was  _he_ supposed to know that an abandoned girls' bathroom was the doorway to Salazar Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets? 

 

* * *

 

When he is thirteen, there is a mass murderer trying to kill Itachi. A mass murderer that is also his godfather, Itachi discovers, and also framed by Molly Weasley's son's rat. The same rat who was partially responsible for Itachi's (second) parent's death. 

He is a pacifist, he reminds himself, as he snaps the rat's neck. 

 

* * *

 

The dementors radiate a different form of Killing Intent, and it is disgusting. 

There is no refinement. There is no purpose. There is no  _talent_ or _technique_ in the action. 

He does not have the Sharingan, but he is more than formidable, even in a different world and different time. 

They learn to leave him alone. 

 

* * *

 

The Ministry half-apologises for their 'mistake' in sending Sirius Black to prison. They exonerate him of any and all charges, and Itachi lives with his godfather in a moldy house with screaming, disappointed portraits. 

Sirius Black is less and less like Shisui. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Moody is interesting. 

Itachi wants his eye. 

 

* * *

 

The Killing Curse is the same shade of green that he remembers. The spider falls to the table, bouncing softly. 

The lingering traces of Killing Intent makes his muscles tense. This, too, is wrong. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi is entered into the Tournament without consent. 

He does not appreciate the action. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Moody puts them under the Imperius curse. 

He tries, anyway. 

Itachi only gives him an unimpressed look, because he is trained to take orders but he is also trained to resist them. 

The man stares back, curious, eye swivelling in its socket. 

 

* * *

 

Cedric Diggory is kind, and Itachi has no qualms about telling him the challenge that the first task holds. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Moody offers to help. 

Itachi agrees and watches the gleam in the older man's eye. 

 

* * *

 

"I trust you have a plan." Professor Snape says to him the day before the event. 

"I don't know what the challenge is," Itachi says mildly. "We're not supposed to cheat." 

The other man is unimpressed. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi, admittedly, has never had to fight a dragon before. 

But he has fought the three Sannin on separate occasions, and won. He does not have chakra now, but that is not all he had then. 

It is immoral, perhaps, but the dragon's eyes are pierced by his knives before it can raise its claws, and Itachi walks away with a golden egg and a request for his knives back. 

(It's refused. He has Crow-the-owl pick up some more.)

 

* * *

 

He does not have a precious person, not anymore, so they do something that they had not done in a long, long time. 

It is an old spell. Forbidden, because it can be as cruel as it can be kind. 

Sasuke's body drifts at the bottom of the lake. 

Itachi knows it cannot be real, and he touches his younger brother's hair and recognises it for the illusion it is, the curse wrapped over a stone doll, showing what he loves most. 

Itachi drops the doll on the pier with a snarl and walks away. He was the last to leave and the first to return.

He is a pacifist, he reminds himself, as a healer tries to touch him and he nearly rips their heart out. 

 

* * *

 

He is in first place. 

 

* * *

 

No one knows what he saw on the doll. 

The spell was keyed to him and him only; it is a relief. 

Itachi trained himself out of nightmares long ago, but he is still wary of sleep. 

 

* * *

 

The maze is underwhelming. 

It is nothing compared to the Forest of Death. It is almost laughable. Like an Academy playground. 

Itachi wastes no time. He wants to see if the house elves in the kitchens can make dango. 

 

* * *

 

He is the first to arrive at the center. This does not surprise him. He reaches for the cup with impatient hands, and then his stomach is left behind while the rest of him leaves. 

The cup takes him to a graveyard. Itachi thinks that it is rather dramatic. (He approves.)

"Harry... Potter..." A familiar voice rasps. 

"Lord Voldemort," Itachi says amiably. Professor Moody watches from the shadows. 

Itachi doesn't hesitate to run and take the man far, far away, fast enough that his parent's killer cannot find them before Itachi does what he wishes to do. 

 

* * *

 

The new eye is slightly too big for his socket. 

He returns to the graveyard with a bloody face, because the portkey is there and he admittedly does not know where he is. 

"Hello again," he greets a newly-formed body. Red eyes watch him curiously. 

Professor Moody's eye stares back. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi escapes again. 

He touches the cup and is pulled back into the maze, where he stumbles through four hedges before he finds the exit. 

"He took my eye," Itachi sobs. "Voldemort's back. He took my eye and put _this_ in me."

Perhaps he's not so much of a pacifist, after all. 

 

* * *

 

Professor Snape holds him back. 

He was one of the cloaked men, Itachi learns. Marked and masked and made to kneel. 

Itachi had never kneeled, but he had bowed, so he thinks he understands. 

"Why the eye?" His professor asks after strengthening the wards. 

"I am a ninja from another dimension, and I had special eyes that could see through anything. I miss them," Itachi says. 

Professor Snape doesn't believe him. 

 

* * *

 

The man who killed his parents sends assassins. 

It is tiring, Itachi thinks, that he does not have the reputation of S-Class nukenin in this world. It was inconvenient then but more so now. 

Sirius wants to move, but they would have to move the Fidelius Charm, and Headmaster Dumbledore says it is safe. 

Itachi thinks that he is a liar, but he does not care. 

He's been killed once before. He has no desire to repeat the process. 

 

* * *

 

When he is fifteen (his Clan had been dead for over two years, at this age) he is told to carve words in the back of his hand. 

Itachi does not. His eye swivels in the socket. 

Professor Umbridge smartly decides to leave him be. 

 

* * *

 

There are dreams, but they are not his. It feels like an interrogation of sorts. 

They are the memories, ideas, of the man who killed his parents. 

Itachi does not appreciate the gesture. 

 

* * *

 

"Your Master is in my head and I don't like it," Itachi says bluntly, and Professor Snape's gaze turns sharp. 

"In your head how?"

 

* * *

 

He's told to meditate, so he does. He finds the link between him and Voldemort, and politely asks him to stop. 

Voldemort responds with a sort of curious rage. 

Itachi is unimpressed.  _I don't want to fail my classes, so please let me sleep._

He still gets feelings and impressions, but they are lessened. 

 

* * *

 

Voldemort still sends assassins. Itachi doesn't bother asking him to stop. 

The lost numbers in their rank are request enough. 

 

* * *

 

He is sixteen and Professor Snape is their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and the man is terrible at it. 

His intimidation is unnecessary and students are too meek to ask questions. In Potions, this was acceptable; in Defense, it is not. 

Itachi will not be the one to tell him that, though. 

 

* * *

 

He finds another book, but this one has margins filled with cramped text and sarcastic comments. Itachi recognises the handwriting. 

He knocks on the door, oddly reminiscent of four years ago. 

"This one is not cursed," Itachi assures, and feels a flicker of a smile at his professor's irritated expression. 

"What now, Potter?"

He hands the book over. 

"Do I want to know where you found this?"

"Professor Slughorn had it," Itachi tells him. "I assumed you would like it back."

"Yes," Professor Snape murmurs, then looks up. "You are dismissed." 

Itachi turns to leave; a voice stops him at the door. 

"Potter. Five points to Hufflepuff."

 

* * *

 

The school is invaded. 

Itachi kills dozens. 

(He does not bother to pretend to be a pacifist, anymore. So long as he does it silently, and there is no connection to his name.)

"I am a ninja from another dimension," Itachi tells Professor Snape as he cycles the poison out of his bloodstream. "I am supplementing a type of healing that we have." 

The look in his professor's eyes says that he might believe him, now. 

 

* * *

 

Itachi does not leave the school when Headmaster Dumbledore falls. 

Instead, he calls to Voldemort. 

_May we finish this?_

Voldemort comes. 

 

* * *

 

They are in the Forbidden Forest and it feels like a beginning rather than an end. 

"I have a piece of you inside me," Itachi says to his parent's murderer. "I saw it in the mirror." He doesn't need to gesture to his eye; the glass ball is rather unforgettable. 

Voldemort seems to know how, after a moment of thought, and Itachi doesn't ask. 

 

* * *

 

In the end, it is anticlimactic. 

Voldemort is on the ground with a knife embedded in his head. One more is through his heart and another punctures his lungs. 

Itachi slits his throat for good measure. 

Eventually, he knows, he will most likely have to kill himself. 

But not today. He has already died once, and he is not quite ready to do so again. 

 

* * *

 

He doesn't speak as people surround him. They all have questions, and he has answers, but he is tired. 

His professor is in the Hospital Wing, arguing with the healer. 

"I don't  _need —_ " He's saying. 

"You were just  _poisoned,"_ she replies stubbornly, eyes narrowed. "Lay. Down."

Itachi thinks he likes her. 

"Professor Snape," he greets quietly, footsteps silent. 

"Potter," his professor replies. 

"Voldemort is dead," Itachi tells the frowning man. "He holds your loyalty no longer."

He only laughs bitterly. "I am not a good man. Nothing will change."

"Everything changes," Itachi says.

Professor Snape snarls. "You don't know what I've done. You don't know what I've seen —"

"The same is true for you, and this is not a contest," Itachi interrupts softly. 

"I have  _killed —_ " His professor begins, then sees the look on Itachi's face, focuses on his stolen eye for a second too long, and stops. 

Itachi allows a moment of silence. 

"My name is Itachi," he says. Another moment passes. 

"Severus," the man replies, more smoothly than is genuine. Itachi quirks a small smile in return. 

 

* * *

 

"I killed your mother," Severus murmurs, staring into his whisky glass. They are in the man's quarters, the fire roaring in the background, a white noise that sooths both their thoughts. 

Itachi considers telling him about his Clan's death, about the assassinations in the middle of the night, about the child's screams, about tearing bijuu from the heart of their host. He considers telling him about Sasuke, his brother that he ripped apart piece by piece so that he could be molded together stronger. 

But he doesn't, because their choices are not a contest. 

"I steal biscuits from the kitchen," Itachi shrugs, and the fury in Severus' eye makes the confession worth it. "What? They are very good biscuits." 

 

* * *

 

...and then they live happily ever after. 

**Author's Note:**

> i have two essays due that i haven't started so i was like you know what I'll do? i'll write a crossover. with a pairing that made me spill my tea when i came up with it. what a productive use of my time
> 
> also, if youre procrastinating like me, feel free to join our [discord](https://discord.gg/Pa7TsBP) group!! we're fun, i think, sort of,,  
> (jk everyone's really nice and creative and overall amazing)


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